sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
