woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
