Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Someone signed my nipple.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
