I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's the barista slut.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
