I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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