Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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