i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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