I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
