i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
