Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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