i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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