Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
