I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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