You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
