Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
