is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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