Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
