Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
