I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
