Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
