Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
