My friends, they love my intelligence
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
that may or may not have been my penis.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
