CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
