I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
