non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
