Don't you send me to vm
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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