Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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