too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
