there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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