i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
