This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
