I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
