I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
