This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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