My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
