you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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