Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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