it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
