I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
