false alarm. still invincible.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
