you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
