just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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