I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
