I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
