sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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