Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
