it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
