i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dicks are not precious.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
