I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
