so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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